Waiting for Butterflies

{October 20, 2010}   Hiatus

Well, clearly I’ve been on hiatus from this blog.  And I’m sorry to say that the lack of writing will continue.  I’m not planning to write anything new from now on, but I’m not going to delete the blog entirely.

For the record, Mr. Unintended and I are still together and exceedingly happy.

But since we’re still together, this has ceased to be a single girl’s blog and I don’t really feel comfortable writing about him, now that we’re in a serious relationship.

Thank you all for the support and encouragement along the way!  I spent a long time waiting for butterflies, and it’s even more beautiful than I imagined.


{July 9, 2010}   already

I’ve already almost forgotten how to talk to my single friends.  This is entirely unacceptable behavior.

The problem I encountered recently was a dear friend who has been very single with me for a very long time.  In fact, I have a group of four great girlfriends and we all have supported each other in singledom for years.  Well, now I have started dating Mr. Unintended and our other friend starting dating someone as well, and then there were two.

So when I was talking to my single friend, she was complaining about all the weddings happening this summer, and how before some people were marrying off, but it wasn’t the majority.  She said that now it’s everywhere and soon she and our other single friend would be the only ones left.

I didn’t know what to say.

Now, this is the kind of thing the four of us would complain about constantly when we were all single.  Because of course.  We were frustrated and annoyed and all in the same boat so we could support each other.

Now two of us have gotten out and gone into another boat and it’s hard to talk the same way.  I didn’t want to give some ridiculous response like “you’ll find someone soon too” or “it’ll happen when you least expect it” because I despise those responses.  But I didn’t want to just agree with her either.  Now I realize why people always give those responses.  It’s hard to know the best way to respond in these kinds of situations, without being patronizing, rude, disrespectful, hurtful, or smug.  I guess I need to figure it out.  Because I’m not really in the mood to forget how to communicate with some of the people who are so dear to my heart.

{June 24, 2010}   Meeting…

Mr. Unintended is meeting my family this weekend.  I really haven’t been too nervous about this, I think because I’ve already met his family and things have gone so smoothly.  He just admitted to me last night, though, that he’s nervous to meet them, doesn’t want to make a bad impression, etc.  I’m feeling kinda bad that I haven’t been more sensitive to the fact that he’s been feeling this way.  He’s normally just so easygoing, and he was acting that way about this too.  I suspect it’ll go well though.  Some awkward moments, I’m sure, but overall it’ll be nice.  I’ll report back!

{June 11, 2010}   hello again.

still here.

still dating Mr. Unintended.

still loving it.

will get back to writing again soon.  really.

{May 17, 2010}   Mr. Platonic’s Perspective

Mr. Platonic is pissed about me and Mr. Unintended being together.  So pissed.  So bitter.

He started acting crabby toward us during one of our group get-togethers a few weeks ago.  Wouldn’t say why.  Just not himself.  Just crabby.  At the time, Mr. Unintended and I were still kind of on the down-low.  From my perspective, I wasn’t entirely sure if we were officially dating and I didn’t want to make a bunch of announcements until I knew it was more of a sure thing.

From Mr. Platonic’s perspective, we were sneaking around, lying, and having a fling behind his back.

Okay, one, I wouldn’t consider it sneaking around or lying at all… like I said, I just didn’t want to jump the gun.  If he would’ve asked any questions, I would’ve been honest with him.  But he didn’t.  And the real question I have – why was he entitled to this information anyway?  Why was it his business?  Why should I (and/or Mr. Unintended) report to him?

Through the grapevine, I heard he was mad that we hadn’t told him yet, so I decided to just tell him and he confessed that was why he was acting crabby.  He said he needed some time away from me which I totally understood and respected.

He also claimed that me dating Mr. Unintended started when he (Mr. Platonic) was still trying to date me.  Are you kidding, Mr. Platonic?  I said “no” to you a hundred and one times!  I spelled it out for you!  That’s your own damn fault for trying to pursue a lost cause!  Again – I don’t owe you anything!

However, we’ve managed to run into each other a couple other times, and we’re talking again now… but he’s clearly still hurt.  I’ve apologized to him multiple times for hurting him.  I’ve even apologized for keeping the secret, but I don’t know why, because I don’t think it was wrong to keep it quiet at first.  I’m done apologizing.  If he still chooses to be friends, it’ll just take time.  And perhaps he’ll actually get through his head that I’m not interested in him.  I do feel bad for the guy.  I truly do.  But there’s nothing else I can do.

{May 11, 2010}   Take that, HJNTIY!

Sorry for the two-week hiatus.  The update: the He’s Just Not That Into You approach did NOT apply to the Mr. Unintended situation.  If I would’ve given up on him way back when, I would’ve missed out on all the amazing-ness that I’m experiencing now.

It’s going quite wonderfully.  We’ve been out on more dates, hang out a lot, and continue to talk every day.  We finally kissed and have spent the night together (and for the record, we slept together but didn’t have sex.  I don’t take sex lightly at. all.)  I met his family on mother’s day.  And the way we talk to each other has totally shifted from “hey friend!” to “hey, I really care about this person and this could really be something.”

Can’t complain.  Will try to be back on a regular posting schedule again soon.

{April 29, 2010}   Best First Date Ever.

So, I promise I’ll get out of this ridiculousness at some point and write some of the posts I’ve promised in the past, e.g., the “Which SATC Guy Are You?” quiz and the one about guys not wearing their wedding rings.

But until then, I just have to report that Mr. Unintended and I went on what I am considering our first true date tonight.  Like I said in the previous post, we’ve hung out a couple of times  with just us, but I wouldn’t consider those times dates.  They were just hanging out.  Tonight, we went out for dinner at a nice place (well, what is considered “nice” in the small-town world anyway) and it was lovely.  I have to say that this slow/steady, friends-first thing has its benefits.  For example, the first date is totally un-awkward.  We already know how to talk to each other and how to make each other laugh, therefore no uncomfortable silences.  I am familiar with his mannerisms and know the things that he did and said that were typical for him and what things were date-special, therefore no over-analyzing.  We discussed the driving situation and the paying situation in advance, therefore no wondering.

Conclusion: Best first date ever.  Just saying.

{April 26, 2010}   the ooey-gooey

Well, it’s official.  I’m a little consumed with Mr. Unintended, now.  The subtle flirting has given way to some pretty blatant flirting.  Our talks have become less surface-y and more personal.  We’ve seen each other outside of our friend-circle twice now.  We’re going out to dinner this week.

Every day, I like him more.  I’m stuck in the post-crush drama, pre-relationship drama stage that I blissfully like to call… the ooey-gooey.  Spending more and more time with him and learning more great things about him every day and having him flatter me until I blush… just makes me feel like I’m floating on a cloud.  I’m sorry for this.  I kind of want to scream and/or puke when I see other people in the ooey-gooey and I’m still in my regular life like a normal human.  But it’s the honest truth of where I am right now.  So there.

{April 22, 2010}   Grammar Police

The truth is, I can be kind of pretentious when it comes to spelling and grammar.  I’m not saying I’m perfect either, but I have a generally good handle on the English language.  The misplaced apostrophe in a sign for “Restroom’s” at the local cafe is like nails on a chalkboard to me.  (What does the restroom own?)  I connect entirely with that episode of friends where Ross is screaming to Rachel regarding a letter she had written to him: Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means “you are.”  Y-O-U-R means “your!”  And don’t even get me started on the people who claim to have a problem with bad grammar, but then spell it “grammer.”  When I was doing the eharmony thing, I routinely took issue with the spelling and grammatical errors in some of the profiles, to the point of closing a match strictly for that reason.

But now, and suddenly, I’ve put the Grammar Police side of me on hold.  At least when it comes to Mr. Unintended.  This boy’s spelling and grammar are absolutely horrific.  I’m not even kidding.  Like I said, we talk on facebook frequently, so I’ve gotten a good idea of his style.  He exchanges “too” for “to” constantly, uses “b” instead of “be”, tends to use a string of commas rather than ellipses, and spells approximately every third word wrong.

And you know what?  It doesn’t impact the content of our conversation.  We still have really great talks.  Who knew that the extreme pretentiousness (or is it pretention?) on my part was keeping perfectly great guys out of my reach all this time?

We all have our strengths.  I rock the written word and know a lot about my field of work; he is so mechanically inclined that he could take anything apart, repair it, and put it back together before I could say “lefty, loosey.”  I’d argue that it’s kinda nice to complement each other in that way.

{April 15, 2010}   slow/steady

It was about a month ago when this incident happened.  Much confusion ensued, which I blogged about in a generally non-stop manner for a couple more weeks.  Nothing was really resolved, and I decided to call a moratorium on blogging about Mr. Unintended.

But the moratorium on blogging wasn’t a moratorium on thinking about him, talking to friends about him, and seeing him in real life.  His story is definitely not over.  In fact, I think things are still tentatively moving forward with him.  We’re in closer contact than we ever were before; I know this is juvenile, but I chat with him on facebook almost every night (he’s the cute boy I referenced in this post).  He tells great stories and asks thoughtful questions about my life.  He flatters me when I need it; he flirts when I see him; he calls or texts from time to time; he’s not over-the-top with the smooth moves.

We have upcoming plans to see each other next week; he’s going to help me work on my car again without the distraction of Mr. Platonic or other friends.  He’s also extended an open invitation to hang out.  He can’t make it to as many of our group get-togethers this summer, but said it would be hard to go without seeing me.

And okay fine.  We haven’t gone on a date.  He hasn’t tried to kiss me or hold my hand.  He hasn’t said, in as many words, that he’s interested.  But I can read that there’s a whispering of something going on.  And why rush it?  The longer this continues, the more comfortable I am with letting things unfold naturally.  I’d rather be cautious than jump into something just because it’s a silly crush.

All that said, I know I can’t let this go on forever, either.  I’ve got a day on the calendar in mind, and if none of those things I listed above have happened by then, I’m just going to talk to him about it straight up.  You know, “are we just good friends, or is there something else going on here?”  There’s a difference between being patient and wasting my time.

But for now?  I’m content.  I’m happy.

et cetera